On return to the White House after his August vacation Donald Trump will host the first annual ‘Golf Cart Races for God’ event. Winning racers will be allowed to bask in the glow of President Trump, touch Ivanka’s hand and watch Melania brood for 5 minutes. After the race there will be a ‘Dunk a Staffer’ challenge featuring H.R. McMaster taking pot shots at Steve Bannon and Stephen Miller.

In high level meetings the Trump team was looking for ways to upstage Sally Yates’ testimony to Congress on Monday.

“Have the President do a Hole in One contest at one of his golf courses,” said an aide. “We’ll have scantily clad women as caddies. It’d be a ratings bonanza for Fox.”

Another piped up, “How about the President with cute cats on YouTube? We could call it ‘Pussys with Trump'”

A discussion followed on how many eyes could they draw with a ‘Count the Papers on the President’s Desk’ contest,
a ‘Share your best Libtard put down’ and ‘How I love President Trump, let me count the ways’ poetry slam.

After much discussion the consensus was to let Trump be Trump and have Spicer confuse the hell out of everyone about it

3/2/2017 – Where is the AHCA bill?
Gonna be a long day: GOP ACA replacement bill reportedly on the phone with a pizza delivery place

Breaking: While searching basement of Capitol for GOP’s healthcare bill aide finds Jimmy Hoffa

Breaking: WH says Media’s use of words like ‘recuse’ make the President’s head hurt

3/3/2017
At the WH Easter egg roll a this year will Trump require Sean Spicer to reprise his bunny gig?

Report: On flight to Florida Donald Trump realizes they haven’t stocked cheeseburgers. Asks if he can order for in flight delivery

3/4/2017
Report: Donald Trump tweets that today’s bowel movement was ‘So great.’ Breitbart proclaims America is saved

Breaking: Donald J. Trump demands Congress impeach Barack Obama. Jason Chaffetz agrees to hold hearings

3/5/2017
Report: Nine out of ten doctors say Trump’s early morning tweetstorms may be the result of Morning Wood Envy

Report: Unhappy White House demands Trump surrogates defend him to the death. “He’s offering a really nice bonus,” says Spox

Trump supporter offers cattle to President for the making of hamburgers. Asked why just burgers he said, “Steers hate ketchup on steak.”

3/6/2017
With parole of O.J. Simpson possible later this year will the White House ask Congress to find the real killer?

Ben Carson calls Slaves ‘Immigrants.’ Can you imagine how his patients feel after hearing that kind of stupid?

Breaking: The WH is urgently seeking ways to keep Trump’s tie in place. “It’s troubling him that people can see it’s made in China,” Spox

Report: In addition to investigating Obama wiretapping & WH leaks Trump has requested Congress declare his ties from China made in America

Once the embodiment of ‘Fake it till you make it’ Donald Trump is now ‘Fake it till you break it’

3/7/2017
Source: New plaque spotted on President Trump’s desk in the Oval “The Buck Stops in My Pocket”

GOP took what 4 years to promise a faster, stronger, more handsome #Trumpcare and all we get is this piece of crap?

The problem with Ryan’s Trumpcare bill is that Club for Growth, Freedom Works and Heritage don’t find it vile enough

3/8/2017
Trumpcare because it’s all about his profit and your loss

Breaking: The Trump administration has given up truth for lent

Trump admin to replace National Endowment for the Arts with Velvet Elvis print and Dogs Playing Cards litho

3/9/2017 – Ryan defends Trumpcare
In a perfect world we’d all be wondering what a screwed up world would be like

Report: GOP addresses high cost of healthcare by requiring each family to include at least one doctor and one candy stripper

3/13/2017 – KellyAnne Conway says watch out for the microwave
Sean Spicer says you can trust Trump ‘if he’s not joking’ If Donald Trump wants to make jokes let him go to the WHCA dinner.

My iPhone promised to order me chicken soup when I get sick while on Trumpcare

Can you imagine what the viewers of Fox News are asking their microwaves and toasters about now?

Rep. Steve King demands US weather service not categorize tomorrow’s blizzard as a whiteout. “No, no, no,” says Spox

3/14/2017
Some reports say that under AHCA consumers will be able to get inexpensive health insurance direct from Russia

3/16/2017 – Trump’s first budget
Breaking: White House accuses Obama of using Leprechauns to spy on Trump

I think Mulvaney’s definition of ‘compassionate’ doesn’t track with many decent Americans

Oh, oh, looks like Sean Spicer is getting ready to use the podium as a weapon

Sign seen at the Pearly Gates: If You Are Sent To Hell It’s Not The Media’s Fault

3/18/2017
World leaders should learn from Donald Trump’s appearances with Angela Merkel, don’t appear with Donald Trump

Jefferson Davis sues Donald Trump for unauthorized use of Southern White House. Seeks damages, “And not with Confederate money either.”
After Trump is impeached and convicted perhaps we should seize Mar-A-Lago and sell it for back expenses

3/20/2017
Report: Donald Trump’s EO on coal mining requires everyone buy a coal scuttle, fill it with money and drop it off at a Trump property

US to ban electronic devices of some on flights to US. Under cover terrorist, “Excuse me sir, can I borrow your cell phone?” Blows up plane

3/21/2017 – Trump’s approval rating has hit a record low
Expect to see the Trump administration ‘tapp’ dancing around yesterday’s bad news

3/23/2017
Report: Rep. Devin Nunes hired as spokesman for Deer in The Headlights Inc. Working on deal with Consternation ‘R Us

Halfway expect #GOP to sneak a provision into #AHCA mandating insurance companies reimburse for conversion therapy

3/24/2017 – Trumpcare goes down in flames
Thank goodness #GOP pulled the vote. I’m not sure I could handle anymore winning…oh, wait #TrumpFail

MarALargo has been told they better warm up Trump’s Emotional Support Golf Cart

Sean Spicer was so sure Trumpcare would pass he had the Press Room podium tuned up for a victory lap

3/27/2017
Source: To garner support for his agenda Donald Trump looking to lure moderate Democrats with deep discounts on golf club memberships

3/28/2017
Spox: “President Trump never said ‘I alone can fix it.’ What he meant was if Congress and the Courts won’t do as I say that he’d blame them”

3/29/2017 – Nunes defends himself
News from 2048: GOP promises this is the year they will really, really repeal and replace Obamacare #CrossTheirHeart

This Halloween I’m going as Repeal and Replace. Won’t have to do a thing to get ready and don’t have to show up

3/30/2017 – First Senate Intel Committee public hearing
Report: Some are asking if a rumored ‘Special Place in Hell’ hotel will have Trump branding

2/11/2017 – N. Korean missile launch
Sources: Aides working with Trump on Twitter response to N. Korean missile launch. So far they have “very, very bad.” Working on rewrite

President demands Air Force use drones to deliver discount Trump Tower taco bowls to bases. Says Spicer, “He supports the troops.”

Report: Donald Trump orders DARPA to create golf balls he can control with his mind. “I’ll call it the Trump Ball,” he thinks

2/13/2017 – Flynn Resigns
Half way expect to hear Flynn is now in line to be U.S. Ambassador to Russia

2/14/2017 – SBA confirmed
Report: Concerned by the controversy surrounding Gen. Flynn’s resignation GOP has announced an investigation into who stole Brady’s jersey

Linda McMahon promises that every road block she encounters at SBA will be wrestled to the ground or hit on the head with a chair

Fortunately Sean Spicer didn’t find it necessary to make use of his motorized podium today, but be warned…

2/15/2017 – Puzder withdrawns
Trump: I like the 2 state, but the 1 state is also that. Then there’s the 2 for 1 state. We were successful with that at the Trump Grill

Breaking: Trump administration looking to replace Labor Secretary nominee with an even more odious choice

Report: Jason Chaffetz says he investigated the Russian connection to America during a visit to Alaska. “I couldn’t see it,” he said

Breaking: Internet war being waged with Snowflakes. Injures are described as chilling

Trump turns down ESPN request to do NCAA brackets. WH says it hopes to work with ESPN later, perhaps to kick democracy down the road

Report: WH may not fill all its Ambassadorial openings. “Billionaires don’t want to go where there’s no valet yacht parking,” says aide

2/16/2017 – Trump Presser
Could “I’m not ranting and raving” be the new “I am not a crook?” #welltunedmachine

2/18/2017 Rally Florida
After Trump is impeached will he still market Mar-A-Lago as the Southern White House?
Wait doesn’t Jefferson Davis have a trademark on it?

2/19/2017 Last night in Sweden
Report: The WH has requested that after ‘Hail to the Chief’ the Marine Band play ‘Everything is Awesome’ to honor Trump’s well-oiled machine

2/10/2017

The Time Lords should declare four years have passed and that Trump’s time as President is over

Each time Betsy DeVos tries to visit a school she should be required to spell a series of multi-syllable words for entry

Breaking: WH house says if Carl Higbie appointed Press Secretary each daily session will begin with 40 pushups

To offset the cost of Prime Minister Abe’s visit to Mar-a-Lago Donald Trump will sell commemorative Origami copies of the Constitution

Trump as Vizzini in Princess Bride
Man in Black: Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.
Trump: Wait till I get going! Now, where was I?

2/8/2017

Source: Trump tells aide to copyright Easy D. Aide tells Pres. can’t profit from office. After much laughter they move on to the next EO

Breaking: Betsy DeVos’ new slogan for US Dept. of Ed. “Cash before Children”

2/7/2017

Soon? New EO from Donald Trump banning criticism of President on Twitter & other social media. “It’s in the Constitution,” says Sean Spicer

2/6/2017

What’s the over/under on when UN headquarters will be moved out of the US?

Asked why Steve Bannon’s appointment to NSC hasn’t been revoked Sean Spicer says Bannon told Trump the EO is non-refundable

By the time they get to the WH to celebrate their Super Bowl Donald Trump will be personally responsible the Patriots win

2/6/2017

Breaking News: Pro-Trump protesters rallying outside of Trump Tower promised a week at Mar-a-Lago, airfare not included