Now that GOP has smoke screened America over Steve King they can resume business as usual: suppressing the vote; caging children; destroying the environment; protecting a Russian operative; and of course freedom
Now that GOP has smoke screened America over Steve King they can resume business as usual: suppressing the vote; caging children; destroying the environment; protecting a Russian operative; and of course freedom
WH reveals plans for Space Force to oversee the southern border. “The president, who in his role as chief technology genius, envisions SF teleporting illegal crossers to deserted islands,” said an aide
WH says Stephen Miller to travel with Donald Trump to the border. “The president wants someone to demonstrate a steel slat wall can’t be climbed and Stephen drew the short straw,” said an aide
100% Drained Swamp Amulets Two for One today only! #ShutdownSideHustles
WH advance copy of Trump’s speech tonight highlights his threat to threaten a National emergency. “He’s spending today’s executive time threatening staff to get ready for tonight,” said an aide
Even my dear, sweet mother says #ImpeachTheMotherFucker
Is ‘Impeach his ass’ better?
So when is Donald Trump going to appear on Drunk History?
WH bristles over Nancy Pelosi’s “beaded curtain” slam. “We’re thinking plain shower curtains with bars painted on them,” said an aide
#ToyWarningLabels Before opening know you’re not your parents’ favorite child
Dejected bots victimized by #TwitterLockOut seen boarding Aeroflot flights. “We go home for to get new assignments,” said one
Achmed the Dead Terrorist might be the perfect comedian for @realDonaldTrump at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner… although seeing a talking puppet may hit too close to home
Breaking: Buses seen lining up near WH. “They’re hoping for the honor of being the one President Trump throws John Kelly under,” said a staffer
Report: The end of the world slated for March 1st. Asked why God responded, “Single. Word. Sentences.”
WH denying rumors that Donald Trump has converted parts of the residence into a par three course. “That load of sand? It was for the water filters,” said an aide
Trump’s military parade to be led by a big red button
Report: Trump demands aides find body double to ride in the planned Pentagon military parade. “He’s afraid of tanks,” said a staffer
Report: Interviews with this year’s graduating class at Betsy DeVos Sr. High School reveal students who display an amazing array of small word sentences and a total lack of intellectual curiosity
Report: Although he won’t be campaigning for Roy Moore the president will be spending more time at Mar-a-Largo talking to his portrait
How soon before Trump declares the South won the Civil War, but decided to save the win until now?
Is celebrating the anniversary of one’s twitter verified badge a thing yet?
#OddThingsFoundInMyFridge A village of tiny Norwegian ice sculptors
#OddThingsFoundInMyFridge A moldy cheese block carved to resemble a thanksgivings turkey
Hannity adherents are the very definition of what my mother used to say, “If your friends jumped off a cliff…”
Report: President Trump’s approach to China described by aide as “eighth dimensional Go Fish”
Trump tells staff he can eat Chinese food while in Asia because MSG only occurs in a 50 square block area around Madison Square Garden
Donald Trump is a human chain letter from your wingnut uncle
My personal algorithm tells me it’s time to watch Fox News. Screw you algorithm!! #MyAlgorithm
Chief of Staff Kelly of the Mueller investigation: “It is very distracting to the president.” Golf balls are distracting to this president
Source: WH staff desperately seeking distractions from Mueller actions today. ‘We had ruled out a heart attack, but it’s making a comeback’
WH aides mystified the President’s new app #ThePres hasn’t taken off. Said one, “Sure he’s full of himself, but isn’t why we elected him?”
Report: The Physician to the President says he’s seeing an increase in staffers suffering blurred vision from too much eye rolling
Breaking: Trump IQ test reveals he is, in fact, a moron
Source: Seeking a show of solidarity with Russia WH aides urge that when speaking to the UN on Tuesday Donald Trump pound the dais with a shoe.
A person close to the President says Trump might go for it, but only if it’s a shoe from Ivanka’s collection
Wearing the Over It Glass 2 Skin for Shifter by Buzzdroid