Outrage from pundits about Trump's golfing would increase exponentially if only Obama would tag along

Dejected bots victimized by #TwitterLockOut seen boarding Aeroflot flights. “We go home for to get new assignments,” said one

Achmed the Dead Terrorist might be the perfect comedian for @realDonaldTrump at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner… although seeing a talking puppet may hit too close to home

Breaking: Buses seen lining up near WH. “They’re hoping for the honor of being the one President Trump throws John Kelly under,” said a staffer

Report: The end of the world slated for March 1st. Asked why God responded, “Single. Word. Sentences.”

WH denying rumors that Donald Trump has converted parts of the residence into a par three course. “That load of sand? It was for the water filters,” said an aide

Trump’s military parade to be led by a big red button

Report: Trump demands aides find body double to ride in the planned Pentagon military parade. “He’s afraid of tanks,” said a staffer

Report: Interviews with this year’s graduating class at Betsy DeVos Sr. High School reveal students who display an amazing array of small word sentences and a total lack of intellectual curiosity

Report: Although he won’t be campaigning for Roy Moore the president will be spending more time at Mar-a-Largo talking to his portrait

How soon before Trump declares the South won the Civil War, but decided to save the win until now?

Is celebrating the anniversary of one’s twitter verified badge a thing yet?

#OddThingsFoundInMyFridge A village of tiny Norwegian ice sculptors

#OddThingsFoundInMyFridge A moldy cheese block carved to resemble a thanksgivings turkey

Hannity adherents are the very definition of what my mother used to say, “If your friends jumped off a cliff…”

Report: President Trump’s approach to China described by aide as “eighth dimensional Go Fish”

Trump tells staff he can eat Chinese food while in Asia because MSG only occurs in a 50 square block area around Madison Square Garden

Donald Trump is a human chain letter from your wingnut uncle

My personal algorithm tells me it’s time to watch Fox News. Screw you algorithm!! #MyAlgorithm

Chief of Staff Kelly of the Mueller investigation: “It is very distracting to the president.” Golf balls are distracting to this president

Source: WH staff desperately seeking distractions from Mueller actions today. ‘We had ruled out a heart attack, but it’s making a comeback’

WH aides mystified the President’s new app #ThePres hasn’t taken off. Said one, “Sure he’s full of himself, but isn’t why we elected him?”

Report: The Physician to the President says he’s seeing an increase in staffers suffering blurred vision from too much eye rolling

Breaking: Trump IQ test reveals he is, in fact, a moron

Source: Seeking a show of solidarity with Russia WH aides urge that when speaking to the UN on Tuesday Donald Trump pound the dais with a shoe.

A person close to the President says Trump might go for it, but only if it’s a shoe from Ivanka’s collection

We appreciate a performance, speech or other activity by applauding, but slapping one’s hands together seems so violent doesn’t it 👏

How about a nicely tuned fart instead? An increasingly sweeter smell could show a higher level of pleasure 😇

Sour smells could be ranked with a ‘ewww’ factor. The stronger a ‘ewww’ the worse the rating. Use of the dog optional 🐩

On return to the White House after his August vacation Donald Trump will host the first annual ‘Golf Cart Races for God’ event. Winning racers will be allowed to bask in the glow of President Trump, touch Ivanka’s hand and watch Melania brood for 5 minutes. After the race there will be a ‘Dunk a Staffer’ challenge featuring H.R. McMaster taking pot shots at Steve Bannon and Stephen Miller.

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